Born to poor monkey farmers in the rainforests of South America, Mo Pain was wrapped in swaddling clothes and placed in a cradle on the Amazon. From the age of zero, she battled bloodthirsty piranhas daily and eventually became their queen. All that would soon change, however, for at the age of 5, she was captured by pirates and sold into the Egyptian slave trade: there, she single-handedly built the Great Pyramid at Giza and fought the Mummy gladiator-style for Pharaoh’s entertainment. More recently, she's devoted her life to defending humanity against the space ninja robo-zombies of the future: roller derby is generally acknowledged to be the perfect activity for honing the skills necessary for that struggle.